Solve a Rubik's Cube with your Elbows

The Brainstorming Process Behind "The Reichenbach Fall"

Thu, 14 Feb 2013 13:13:14 -0500

Screenwriter's Boss: Okay, so this is the last episode of Season 2. How were you thinking of topping last season's finale?
Screenwriter (whom I will name Pillock): Well, how about we end the season in such a way that causes our fans to gnaw at their own skin in gut-wrenching frustration?
Pillock's Boss, nobody's fault but his own: Erm, no. That's just the same finale we had last season.
Pillock: Oh, right. I misunderstood you at first. There's also going be even stronger character development between the two protagonists, but you know how we've been building their friendship to the point of being inseparable? Well, I think we should do the exact opposite of that and force one of them to fall to his death while his best friend watches in grief-stricken horror.
Pillock's Boss: That sounds good. Actually, no, that sounds awful. And why is your head bandaged?
Pillock: Also, the last shot is going to reveal that--despite falling from the rooftop of a hospital--the main character is going to be fine; however, instead of reuniting right then and there, the two characters go their separate ways anyway because of gerble flobble wobbly bits.
Pillock's Boss, with increasing concern: Those are called cliffhangers, and they're the worst idea in the world.
Pillock: I know they're the best idea in the world! So I'm just going to end the episode on the visual representation of two hearts breaking because trying to be compassionate toward these characters makes blood come out of my nose.
Pillock's Boss, making motions toward the exit and eventually a phone to call the police: I better go now...
Pillock, slamming his head against the desk for attention: Wait! What if I write a heartfelt episode that's solely dedicated to their reunion?
Pillock's Boss, stopping at the door: That's actually not a bad idea.
Pillock: I know! That's why I'm going to force the fans to wait eighteen months before airtime for no apparent reason except to appease the giant octopus that lives in my head.
Then, Pillock's broken and jaded boss starts sniffing glue while Pillock lies in a fetal position and softly giggles to himself.

"And what right does war have to be angst-y about his life? He’s fucking war! He’s never had to queue..."

Mon, 28 Jan 2013 11:06:25 -0500

“And what right does war have to be angst-y about his life? He’s fucking war! He’s never had to queue up at the jobs center or pine after ex girlfriends that left him for a surfer. He just breaks things. If I were war and I had just hoisted a 7 foot tall demon into the air and chopped him in half with a single swing I wouldn’t stand there scowling I’d go FUCKING HELL, DID ANYONE SEE THAT?!?! I am squirting machismo out of my nipples over here! I am a MONSTER TRUCK that walks like a man!”

- Ben “Yahtzee” Croshaw

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation/1404-Darksiders

(via thepassiveanarchist)

"You see, there are three types of horror games. First, there’s the kind where you’re in a dark..."

Sun, 27 Jan 2013 13:13:42 -0500

“

You see, there are three types of horror games.

First, there’s the kind where you’re in a dark room and a man in a spooky mask jumps out of the cupboard and goes “abloogy woogy woo”. That would be your Doom 3.

Then there’s the kind where the guy in the spooky mask isn’t in a cupboard but is standing right behind you and you know he’s going to go “abloogy woogy woo” at some point but he doesn’t and you’re getting more and more tense but you don’t want to turn around because he might stick his cock in your eye. That would be your Silent Hill 2.

And then there are the games where the guy in the mask goes “abloogy woogy woo” on the far side of a brightly lit room before walking slowly over to you plucking a violin and then slapping you in the face with a T-bone steak. That would be your Dead Space.

See, the second one is best, because your imagination is doing all the work. All a good horror game NEEDS to do is give you a piece of sandpaper and shout encouragement as you massage your own undercarriage.

”

- Ben “Yahtzee” Croshaw, “Zero Punctuation: Amnesia: The Dark Descent” (via darkhorsesandpigs)

because glee fucking crossed the line

Fri, 25 Jan 2013 14:25:37 -0500

because glee fucking crossed the line

Photo

Tue, 20 Nov 2012 14:34:11 -0500

GUYS.

Thu, 08 Nov 2012 21:02:43 -0500

thedevilwearsdm:

Imagine Aaron Sorkin sitting down to write “The Newsroom” episode about last night’s election.

YOU’RE WELCOME, AMERICA.

an accurate depiction of bbc's sherlock as told by a zero punctuation joke

Fri, 26 Oct 2012 01:46:46 -0400

The show builds up this powerful relationship between these two men balanced by a cruel shattering of your emotions, which I will demonstrate using two hypothetical writers named Terry and Gonad.
Terry: Hey, let’s have it that these two lost souls find each and make each other stronger as a character.
Gonad: Okay, but let’s create this other sadistic fuck whose sole purpose is to break them apart for no reason other than to be a sadistic fuck.
Terry: Hey again, how about we make these two characters slowly come to the realization that they’re a blessing in disguise within their otherwise lonely lives and that they rely on each other for the sake of their respective sanity.
Gonad: Okay again, now let’s fuck that up entirely by forcing one of them watch his counterpart jump from a tall building in a desperate attempt to save the other's life and leave the fandom to drown in their own tears for about eighteen months.
Then, a broken and jaded Terry starts sniffing glue while Gonad goes into a fetal position and softly giggles to himself.

"During Tea Party rallies and campaign speeches, we’ve been told that America was founded as a..."

Tue, 09 Oct 2012 14:04:30 -0400

“During Tea Party rallies and campaign speeches, we’ve been told that America was founded as a Christian nation and that if the Founding Fathers were here today, they’d tell us so. Here’s John Adams in the Treaty of Tripoli— “As the government of the United States is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion—” And here’s Thomas Jefferson— “That our civil rights have no dependence on our religious opinions.” And here’s the First Amendment to the US Constitution— “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion.” What’s more frightening than the perversion of our great history is that sensible, smart, strong Republicans, the very men and women who should be standing up to radical fundamentalism, are so frightened of losing primary battles to religious zealots that they’ve thrown in the towel on sanity. So we get this: “Y-Yes, the—the Constitution established the United States of America’s a Christian nation.” It’s ironic because the biggest enemy of the phony Republican isn’t Nancy Pelosi or Harry Reid or Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama, it’s this man (Jesus). He said, “Heal the sick, feed the hungry, care for the weakest among us, and always pray in private.””

- Will McAvoy (via bittrips)

Frank Luntz: By the way, congratulations. I know you were...

Mon, 08 Oct 2012 23:48:21 -0400

Frank Luntz: By the way, congratulations. I know you were picked up for two more seasons.

Bill Maher: Thank you, Frank.

Luntz: You should be voting Republican.

"There is absolutely no evidence to support the statement that we’re the greatest country in the..."

Mon, 08 Oct 2012 16:39:17 -0400

““There is absolutely no evidence to support the statement that we’re the greatest country in the world. We’re 7th in literacy, 27th in math, 22nd in science, 49th in life expectancy, 178th in infant mortality, 3rd in median household income, number 4 in labor force and number 4 in exports. We lead the world in only three categories: Number of incarcerated citizens per capita, number of adults who believe angels are real and defense spending – Where we spend more than the next 26 countries combined; 25 of whom are allies…..So when you ask what makes us the greatest country in the world, I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about. Yosemite?! We sure used to be. We stood up for what was right, we fought for moral reasons, we passed laws, struck down laws for moral reasons. We waged wars on poverty not poor people. We sacrificed, we cared about our neighbors, we put our money where our mouths were and we never beat our chest. We built great, big things, made ungodly technological advances, explored the universe, cured diseases and we cultivated the world’s greatest artists and the world’s greatest economy. We reached for the stars, acted like men, aspired to intelligence, we didn’t belittle it. It didn’t make us feel inferior. We didn’t identify ourselves by who we voted for in the last election and we didn’t scare so easy. We were able to be all these things and do all these things because we were informed by great men, men who were revered. First step in solving any problem is recognizing there is one. America is not the greatest country in the world anymore.””

- Will McAvoy (The Newsroom)

"During Tea Party rallies and campaign speeches, we’ve been told that America was founded as a..."

Sun, 07 Oct 2012 12:29:17 -0400

normally i let this cuntbitchwhore say what she wants but...

Sun, 07 Oct 2012 01:36:35 -0400

normally i let this cuntbitchwhore say what she wants but this….seriously????

petitetiaras: In which China communicates only using Twitter.

Wed, 26 Sep 2012 23:22:41 -0400

petitetiaras:

In which China communicates only using Twitter.

Billie Joe Armstrong, I salute you.

Mon, 24 Sep 2012 01:50:10 -0400

esrna:

Not only for seeking substance abuse treatment, but for your more than justified shenanigans at the iheartradio festival. You were, are, and will forever be an idol to me.

Also, you smashed a guitar in only 5 hits. That, sir, is a feat of rage.

win or loss Sherlock is an amazing show and an award or lackthereof doesn’t change that. That...

Sun, 23 Sep 2012 22:24:42 -0400

win or loss Sherlock is an amazing show and an award or lackthereof doesn’t change that. That being said COME ON CUMBERBATCH!!!!

@MandaSwaggie is hating on BJA normally i say ignore the cunt bitch but in this case everyone...

Sun, 23 Sep 2012 21:12:24 -0400

@MandaSwaggie is hating on BJA normally i say ignore the cunt bitch but in this case everyone let’s go and teach this whore a lesson

This too will come to pass. I support Billie Joe in this difficult time and I will defend him to his...

Sun, 23 Sep 2012 20:03:55 -0400

This too will come to pass. I support Billie Joe in this difficult time and I will defend him to his haters. Green Day is and always will be my favorite band and nothing will change that. I don’t know if the set was cut short or not but if it was then I think Billie Joe was damn right to act the way he did. Still, substance abuse is substance abuse and it’s not okay. Billie Joe is an inspiration for recognizing he has a problem and seeking help for it immediately. Get well soon Billie Joe!

whatilikeaboutwho: “I love all the awesome...

Fri, 21 Sep 2012 10:39:27 -0400

whatilikeaboutwho:

“I love all the awesome one-liners.”

(submitted by recovery-timelord)

cumberass: He’s called Susan. And he wants you to respect his...

Wed, 19 Sep 2012 12:15:06 -0400

cumberass:

He’s called Susan. And he wants you to respect his life choices.

Refusing to listen to the album until its designated release date. Shame on the one who leaked it

Tue, 18 Sep 2012 10:07:26 -0400

Refusing to listen to the album until its designated release date. Shame on the one who leaked it